Meat Flavoured Chips of the World – Reviewed!

By Jes Degryse

Today’s Special:  Sunday Roast (Smith’s Brand)

Apparently these have “75% less saturated fat!  Same great taste!”  Maybe Smith’s should add the fat back or something because these things are gross.

I get that they are supposed to taste like ham, and I hate ham, so I was setting myself up to fail (and be nauseated).  I did not expect them to make me so completely uncomfortable.  They aren’t widely available in the single serving bag, so I saw them on multiple shopping trips prior to the tasting day.  By the time I finally found a small bag to purchase, I was at a Matilda’s truck stop on the highway in Queensland.  I don’t even know where we were heading, but I do know that it was a grey day, and we were sitting at a picnic table between an island of filthy, roosting ibises and a giant kangaroo statue with a swiveling head.  The chips seemed sadly appropriate, so I ate some, but not until an unseemly gust of smell issued forth from the little bag.  I ate four, to be precise.  They taste like onion soup mix with an undertone of cheap Hawaiian pizza.  The hammy-ness is there, but it isn’t even the worst of it.  If the texture matched the taste, they would be spongy.  I hate them.

No stars out of all of the fucking stars in the sky.

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About Kid-Scissor Hybrid

Online zine of technology + humanity with stories both real and fictional. Celebrating and fearing the inevitable!

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