Today’s Special: Sunday Roast (Smith’s Brand)
Apparently these have “75% less saturated fat! Same great taste!” Maybe Smith’s should add the fat back or something because these things are gross.
I get that they are supposed to taste like ham, and I hate ham, so I was setting myself up to fail (and be nauseated). I did not expect them to make me so completely uncomfortable. They aren’t widely available in the single serving bag, so I saw them on multiple shopping trips prior to the tasting day. By the time I finally found a small bag to purchase, I was at a Matilda’s truck stop on the highway in Queensland. I don’t even know where we were heading, but I do know that it was a grey day, and we were sitting at a picnic table between an island of filthy, roosting ibises and a giant kangaroo statue with a swiveling head. The chips seemed sadly appropriate, so I ate some, but not until an unseemly gust of smell issued forth from the little bag. I ate four, to be precise. They taste like onion soup mix with an undertone of cheap Hawaiian pizza. The hammy-ness is there, but it isn’t even the worst of it. If the texture matched the taste, they would be spongy. I hate them.
No stars out of all of the fucking stars in the sky.