Independent Food Review: Tums

We all know Tums are a delicious on-the-go snack, but did you also know that recent studies have found that they may actually be a great source of calcium and can even help cure your pesky indigestion? As if you needed another reason to enjoy your favorite guilt-free treat!

In fact, the one complaint I hear when complete strangers introduce themselves to me on the street is: “Hi. You don’t know me but I love the delicious mouthwatering taste of Tums. My one complaint is just how am I to decide which game changing flavor assortment to choose from?!”. Well I hear ya mass-consensus-of-the-general-population, that’s why I’ve put together my independent food review of the full range of fantastic Tums flavors.

Orange:

Sublimely harmonized with Tums’ characteristic chalky crumble, the citrus zesty burst in your mouth – instantly explains to your taste buds why our forefathers only required one word to describe both color and fruit.

Cherry:

No need to worry about the bothersome pip inside this flavor sensation. The sweet taste of this popular addition to the assorted fruit lineup transports your mind to images of cherry stalks seductively being tied into knots with the tongue of your boy-next-door crush.

Pineapple:

Can’t afford a tropical vacation? You won’t need one after tasting this headliner of the famous tropical fruits collection! The freshness packed inside this flavor will have you second guessing whether you’re enjoying your favorite Tums treat – or sampling a fresh pineapple picked and prepared by your very own island monkey.

Strawberry:

Nothing to get hung about, strawberry Tums forever. The vivid taste phenomenon is so refreshing; you’ll feel as if your entire body has been stripped naked and hauled down a metaphoric slip’n’slide bottom first with your legs in the air.

This concludes the first installment of my independent critic review, but if you’re after some fantastic serving suggestions; why not impresses friends and colleagues at your next chic dinner party by serving an assorted platter of Tums for desert? Or if you’re feeling creative, try wrapping your favorite Tum inside two other Tums for a Tumtastic Tum sandwich!

And if like me, your kids are too stupid and fussy to eat their vegetables; he’s a little tip I use for my young ones: drop a couple of Tums into their mash potato or steam a few up with some mixed veggies – they’ll be begging you for a second helping of greens in no time!

Stay tuned for the next impartial review of marvelous Tums flavors.

Luke Gillham

Food critic and Marketing Director of undisclosed consumer healthcare corporation.

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About Kid-Scissor Hybrid

Online zine of technology + humanity with stories both real and fictional. Celebrating and fearing the inevitable!

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