Stale Cum are a band as well as two words you’re not likely to ever see starting a written sentence after reading this article. They’re not officially disbanded yet they’re not making music these days. Although the subject of this piece is the band’s peculiar twitter account, a brief description of the band is a courtesy for the uninitiated readers.
Stale Cum are a heavy metal band from Ottawa that found a place in the hearts of their friends and the city’s young punks, or at least a few very vocal young punks. They performed with about seven original songs and a cover of Black Sabbath by Black Sabbath at each of their shows, of which there were only about a dozen, a baker’s dozen at most, played in Ottawa’s network of residential live music venues in centretown. The Rat’s Nest was their home. At the time of writing the two recordings of the cover of Black Sabbath which are available online have a combined total of well over one thousand listens. For one of those recordings, Soundcloud will not support their downloads anymore because the account has reached it’s limit. Viewed very objectively and at a distance, this is their only contribution to the tower of song. To understand the rest you probably had to be there, although their twitter account offers a little insight.
The band’s first tweet took place on 20 April 2011 and, as of 29 June 2012, they had tweeted 666 times. These tweets, sometimes merely quotations of song lyrics or exclamations directed at pop icons, were frequently outrageous, righteous, and vehement. Entertainment value aside, this incisive twitter-prose seared a bright red line to the centre forehead of a vacuous social media echo chamber. Their 20 followers may have been the only witnesses of this abbreviated modern literature, until now, thanks to you. So here is the best of it, culled and brought before your worthy locomotory like a feline presenting to its master the still-beating body of a soft bellied sparrow ‘neath its paw.