Bird Facts with Dave Currie, Part 2

Baltimore OrioleSporty Bird Fact: The Baltimore Oriole

The Baltimore orioles are a popular bird for spectators and house cats alike. For best viewing try to catch a glimpse of one in the spring, so full of hope and potential. In the spring the males establish territory and attempt to woo ladies by chattering. For disinterested females the best response is to ignore them. If a lady oriole is interested in a rendez-vous this writer recommends a slight quiver. The male will likely respond with a song and dance routine reminiscent of amputee tap dancing.

Baltimore orioles can eat up 17 hairy caterpillars in one minute. This is misleading however, because in order to eat the caterpillar the Baltimore oriole smashes the caterpillar, like a baseball bat, against a tree until the hair is skinned off. A common predator of the Baltimore oriole is the blue jay.

The record life span of the species is 11 years and 7 months. However, Earl Weaver stuck around for 17 seasons.

The Baltimore orioles name has been previously used to describe another species readers might be most familiar with them as “The New York Yankees.”

Oh Mon Loup! This is Perfect! - Genevieve Boucher Boudreau

RoadrunnerSaturday Morning Cartoon Bird Facts:

The Roadrunner preys upon rattlesnakes. The Roadrunner preys upon bugs. The roadrunner is the only one who can take down the tarantula hawk wasp. Roadrunners make good parents and they live in the desert, so yes, they nest around cacti.

On the topic of things they can eat, they have been known to grab humming birds feeding at nectar feeders in mid air. At family reunions they avoid the cuckoo like the plague. They can control their own body temperature by adjusting their position to capture sunlight on their black spots. Roadrunners, in their family units, claim territory and never leave. Fleeing is for the weak. Roadrunner’s are also called Snake Killers, which is pretty damn gangster.

When I said they were good parents, I meant they often eat the last baby to hatch, as a family. Cannibalism is their yahtzee. Maybe this is why they are the state bird of New Mexico.

Ian Matheson 1

Common Ground DoveChristian Bird Fact

The Common Ground Dove is an incredibly stupid animal. Incredibly stupid. And it isn’t even endangered. Not even close.

They build what even Dove advocates describe as “flimsy nests,” usually on the ground but occasionally if one gets the lick of ambition they build up a branch. These are very fragile structures poorly constructed of twigs and a couple of pieces of mulch. The common dove discovers sex roughly 79 days after it is born and then between February and October every year, they just breed. They have 2-3 BROODS (technical term) a year, and then the simple minded offspring develop only the required skills – waddling over to food and available partners in order to start the whole cycle again.

Like a 90’s talk show audience, the Common Ground Dove whoops. Interestingly, the CGD can spend years breeding with the same partner – likely because they are too stupid to realize they have nothing in common.
In days of old, bible times, doves were considered to be acceptable burnt offerings. Likely because they were too stupid to run away. It is very easy to catch a dove. In the epic of Gilgamesh the Dove is too stupid to listen to Utnapishtim and go find land. It just flies around in circles looking for tail. Back in to the bible, Noah rips Utnapishtim off in Genesis. So then a few dozen books pass and we get Jesus Christ – who was said to be baptized like a dove.

Do You See You - UnknownNow, intuitively this means he was burned alive and sent up to G-d but that little piece of foreshadowing would likely ruin the rest of the story. His parents also killed a bunch of doves when they circumcised him – because that helps. My point is the only reason doves represent peace is that they actually can’t think of a mean thing to say. Biologically, can not think anything mean or nice or have any opinions at all.

Back to the Common Ground Dove, they chug water like almost every other bird and they eat seeds, bugs, plants, berries, fruits and other bird things. Ok I think we’re done here.If you think I’ve been mean to the Common Ground Dove just remember – they are exactly the same as pigeons.


About Kid-Scissor Hybrid

Online zine of technology + humanity with stories both real and fictional. Celebrating and fearing the inevitable!

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